Guilt is the Distance Between us
by TheSpydersArgon
Summary: Tony and Peter haven't spoken in three years. Three years seems like a lot, but to Tony, it seemed like just enough time to get over what had happened between the two. Peter did some things Tony would never have expected that night. The faithful night that both, Tony and Peter, wished never would have happened. But you can't change something that's already done and over with.
1. Old Friends

**Hey Guys! So I know I haven't posted or updated in a loooooooong time and I am so sorry. I just got major writer's block. So this is a Spider-Man fic, so I'm changing things up! I teamed up with a friend of mine on this about halfway through and I really love this! Enjoy! Constructive criticism is appreciated as well.  
**

* * *

Tony and Peter haven't spoken in three years. Three years seems like a lot, but to Tony, it seemed like just enough time to get over what had happened between the two. Or maybe it wasn't enough time and Peter called him here for something other than mending their broken friendship. He hoped it wasn't the latter, at least that's what he expects Peter to have called him for. Then again, Peter did some things Tony would never have expected that night. The faithful night that both, Tony and Peter, wished never would have happened. But you can't change something that's already done and over with.

The door to the small Italian restaurant swung open and Tony stepped in. Italian was always Peter's favorite. At least it was the last time they went out to eat together, but that was a long time ago. Tony fumbled with his phone in his pocket as his eyes scanned the restaurant for any sign of Peter. In the back was a young man, his back facing Tony. His hair was medium length with signs of curls, he had wider shoulders than Peter and seemed to fill his shirts better. The young man looked around and it took a second for Tony to realize that it was Peter. Tony walked over.

"Peter?" He spoke up. Peter stood up and turned around, his motions a bit awkward. Oh god, this was weird.

"Mr. Stark," Peter said nodding. Tony went in for a handshake, but Peter hesitated and instead motioned towards the booth. The kid's voice wasn't much different, only a little deeper but still recognizable. Tony sat down in the small, hard booth, directly across from Peter. Had they really gotten so far apart that Peter wouldn't even attempt a handshake anymore?

"Hey, kid," Tony said slowly. It was weird, the kid was taller than him now and he never realized how vulnerable the kid made him feel. It's like standing next to Steve, but the kids like six times stronger.

"So… how are you? I heard you graduated a couple months ago. Got any plans for college?"

"I don't know, I got accepted into MIT," Peter shrugged. He seemed as though he wasn't prepared for the question. The night before had been when Peter's guilt had built up to the point that the dam finally burst, causing him to call Tony. The call had been brief, as Peter didn't know what had caused the call, but Tony had accepted, and now here they were. Neither of them really knew what they were doing.

"You know, I went to MIT when I was fifteen. Great school by the way. Have you found a job yet?" Peters' gaze quickly diverted, "Okay guess not. You know you always have an internship with me, right?" As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he could see Peter visibly tense. The reaction surprised Tony, he was finally getting somewhere, so he continued.

"Hey," Tony said excitedly as he tried to get Peters' attention again, "remember those days when you used to come to the lab and work on projects with me? Well… up until, ya know…" At this point, Tony had realized how much Peter had curled in on himself. His eyes seemed distant as if he was recounting a memory and his head hung low, leaving his curls to fall into his face. Tony reached his arm up and quickly set it on Peters' shoulder. "Hey, you alright, kid?"

As if a switch flipped, Peter was up and out of his seat. His actions had caused the table to rattle, drawing everyone's attention to the commotion. He brought one hand down onto the table to steady himself, bringing the other to his head. The ragged breaths coming quick. Suddenly the metal table gave way under the force of his grip, letting out a shrill and piercing noise. Peter heard this and his breaths only became quicker as he stumbled back, falling into a waitress.

As Peter picked himself up to leave the restaurant, Tony got a glimpse of his expression. The pure fear and guilt painted on Peters face made his heartbreak. Only then did Tony realize what he said, 'kid', the last time he used that nickname had been on that night. All the talk about remembering the past must've triggered something in Peter, bringing up unwanted and painful memories.

Tony gets up and watches as Peter continues to trip over tables and desperately clawing his way to the exit. He can't help but follow him outside, the worry that had pooled in his chest only growing when he saw Peter stop for a moment, before falling to his knees.

* * *

Peter was second-guessing his choices. He didn't know what he was doing here, but all those thoughts were lost the moment he heard his name being called by the all too familiar voice. "Peter?" Oh no. He stood up, trying to make his motions seem more fluid, rather than the shocked state he was in. Oh god, Peter was taller than Tony, only making him feel worse. What was he thinking? He obviously hadn't thought this through-

"Tony," he nodded. Then he noticed the hand that Tony had reached out for a handshake, it was the same one that Peter had messed up all those years ago. He could still see the small tremble of his hand from the nerve damage Peter had caused. Instead of grabbing Tony's hand, he opted for motioning to the booth.

They both began to take their seats, and Peter noted the poorly concealed disappointment on Tony's face. "Hey, kid," Tony said cautiously as if he was scared that Peter would snap any second. Though, whatever Tony was going to say was lost in his thoughts.

They sat down and Tony spoke up again. "So… how are you? I heard you graduated a couple months ago. Got any plans for college?" Peter had applied for colleges and been accepted into a couple big schools but honestly these days, that was the least of his worries. He didn't want to disappoint Tony anymore so he instead replied with "I don't know, I got accepted into MIT."

The next few sentences didn't reach Peter's ears, as he was lost in thought. He vaguely heard Tony talking about how great MIT was and so on. He caught Tony mentioning something about a job, but Peter was caught up in thoughts about the past. He was pulled back to the present at the word 'internship'. Peter didn't flinch, but he couldn't help but tense up. He tried to maintain a calm front but Tony just pressed on, "Hey, remember those days when you used to come to the lab and work on projects with me? Well… up until, ya know…"

Peter started to panic internally at the mention of that night and it really, really didn't help things at all. He was trying to not break down in the middle of this restaurant and Tony bringing the horrible memories back was only perpetuating the oncoming panic attack.

"Hey, you alright kid?" That sentence coupled with the fact that Tony had brought his hand up, finally flung Peter over the edge. 'Kid', the old nickname repeating over and over in the back of Peters' head. Then suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. No, nobody could touch him, not here, not now. Everything kind of devolved into a blur, and before he could really think about what was happening, he was up and out of his seat. He could feel all of the eyes resting on him, and he brought a hand down and tried to steady himself on the table, gripping it hard. He brought the other hand to his head because god, it hurt so much.

He was visibly recounting a moment from that night and he began to clench his fist even harder. The table suddenly lets out a loud creak that almost resembled a scream. The sudden realization that he had bent the metal made Peter stumble back into a nearby waitress. He had to get out. He couldn't be here. Not around Tony. Not around these innocent people. Not when he has so much strength, but so little control.

He picked himself up off the ground in a desperate attempt to get out of the small restaurant. Peter finally reached the door and was hit by a large wave of dizziness. He almost immediately fell to the ground, grabbing his knees in an attempt to feel something real. Something solid. Something other than an incoherent thought. Then he felt a hand reach for his shoulder.


	2. Broken Silences

Tony swung the door to the restaurant open and stepped out quickly when he saw Peter fall to the ground. The sight of him on the floor clutching at his knees like they were a lifeline made Tony sick. His instincts kicked in and he immediately went to grab Peters shoulder in comfort, realizing too late that it was the wrong thing to do. Instead of leaning into it, like Tony had expected, Peter immediately pulled back from the touch as though it burned him.

"No, don't touch me! I don't want to hurt you," Peter forced out, his words wavering. Shaking hands reached up to grab his head as though it was protecting him from all the horrible thoughts.

"You're not going to hurt me, Parker." Tony knew it was a blatant lie, but he didn't really know what else to say. As he crouched next to the suffering kid, he fumbled with his hands, not sure what to do but also not wanting to make contact with him.

"Yes, I will! It's not like I haven't before... remember? " The air crackles with even more tension as a heavy silence settles over the two. Tony remembers the night as if it happened the day before.

* * *

That night Peter had spent with his friends, so he was a little late to the movie with Pepper, Happy, and myself. Suddenly a 'ding' came from the elevator, revealing Peter and Happy. I ignored the two as they walked in, continuing my conversation with Pepper about Star Wars, which Peter coaxed me into watching.

"I mean, how do these guys get away with being so reckless? Look at the mess they're making… it's ridiculous."

"Says you, the one who literally flew a nuke into a wormhole," Pepper quipped. Wow, I was not expecting that.

"Well, what else did you expect me to do? Let everyone in New York, and possibly beyond, die?" I said, half jokingly. I felt a tightness start to form in my chest at the memory of the trauma. Crap, I can't deal with emotions. Thank goodness Peter decided to join at that second or else it would have gotten really uncomfortable.

"I'm pretty sure I agree with Pepper on this, that was pretty crazy…" I turned towards Peter and I opened my mouth to say something in his defense, but Happy so rudely interrupted me. He shouted from the kitchen, where he was popping some popcorn, "It was dangerous Tony, but you did save tons of lives."

I rolled my eyes, "You're all ganging up on me now?" I turned to Peter with a half-smirk on my face. "Honestly, you're one to talk, you could've died during that ferry fiasco a little while ago-"

Peter groaned in annoyance. But being the prideful kid he was, I knew he would have some witty comeback. "I also didn't build a robot intent on destroying all of humanity, think about that." The end came out with a bite. There he is. But as I turned to him, I could tell we weren't just joking around anymore. Pent up regret and anger were bubbling to the surface. Peters annoyed-beyond-belief face slowly morphing into one of rage.

"Well I'm not the one who got a building dropped on him," I reprimanded. "Not to mention taking on a villain that clearly was too much for you to handle."

I must've overstepped some boundaries because the kids face just went blank, I couldn't tell if he was angry or sad. I reached a hand out to rest it on his shoulder, in an attempt to calm him down a little. Peter drew back with a flinch and met my eyes with his own, the burning rage and hatred swimming in the previously wide-doe-eyes I loved so much. Silence mingled with the new but intense tension that filled the air. "Kid, I-"

I was sharply cut off when Peter grabbed my outstretched hand and squeezed as hard as he could. I could hear and feel every bone in my hand break, but that's not what I was focused on. I couldn't stop looking into his eyes… they were filled with a sick sense of satisfaction. I don't know what's causing this, but this isn't the same Peter I know. The Peter I know, would never do something like this… or would he?

* * *

"Let's get you somewhere you can calm down," Tony spoke in a soft voice, trying to coax Peter off the cold, unforgiving ground and into the car. He tentatively places a hand on Peter's back, and without much of a reaction from the boy, guides him to the backseat of the car. Closing the door, he gets in the driver's seat and starts the journey to the Tower.

Looking in the rearview mirror back at the 'kid', Tony takes the time to really think about how much Peter has changed. It's crazy how much one experience can change someone. Peter went from a bright-eyed, chatty boy who never shut up about science theories or bike robberies to a young man who has been burdened with the fear of himself, shying away from everyone for the fear that he will hurt them… again. The drive was silent. If it was because Peter had fallen asleep, exhausted from the episode earlier, or if he couldn't find it in himself to talk... Tony wasn't sure. The passing lights of the city became a blur when Tony delved deeper into thought, almost driving on autopilot now.

After a few minutes Peter started to shuffle in the back seat. His breathing was shallow, Tony realized, probably because of the way he had slept. Quicker than expected, Peter shot up in a panic.

"Calm down Peter, you're alright," Tony spoke softly, attempting to comfort the boy before he had the chance to fall back into his panicked state. He could almost immediately see the way Peter's eyes diverted to the cars floor as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. "So… um, how are things with May?" Tony hesitantly questioned. He'd been trying to make conversation, simply because of the fact that Peter looked like he wanted to jump out of the car. "It's, uh... it's been rough," Peter mumbled, his arms wrapped around himself, not in defense, but rather to comfort himself. Tony was left with the familiar want to wrap his arms around the boy. "How so?" He asked, coaxing Peter on.

"I haven't talked to her in a while." His answers were short and to the point, but they were something.

"How come?" Tony found the comment worrying, May was Peter's second half. What happened?

"Well," Peter paused, seemingly noticing Tony's subtle ploy to get him to open up. "It's complicated."

Tony hums in acknowledgment and then the car is enveloped in a uncomfortable silence. The ambiance of car honks and New York's nightlife buzzed all around them, creeping into the silence that's gripped the two passengers. As they turned around corners, weaving through the other cars, Peter swayed in the backseat, seemingly in his own world as he looked out the window. His eyes were just as glossy as the glass he peered out of.

A slight pang of guilt made its home in Tony's heart when he looked in the rearview mirror and back at the 'kid' who was obviously grappling with himself internally. The bright New York lights died out as they pulled into the underground parking garage, and the car coming to a halt when they parked. Tony sat in his seat for a moment, thinking. He wanted to do something, anything, to reach out to his kid and try to uncover the bright and carefree Peter Parker he once knew. But as he glanced back at the kid when he got out of the driver's seat, he knew it would be a long journey to find that joy that the kid had before. He saw a million problems and worries swimming behind the kid's eyes, Peter not even having noticed that they were parked. Tony knocked slightly on the car door, pulling Peter out of whatever funk he had fallen into after their short conversation came to an end.

He opened the door for the miserable looking teenager. In that moment when Tony saw the kid drag himself out of the seat and to stand outside the car with his eyes looking anywhere but to meet Tony's own, he decided that he would tear the world apart to bring back the kid he once knew. He'd do anything to place the happiness and youthful-innocence back into that kid's eyes. They'd both fucked up, but Tony Stark was going to do something right for the first time in his life, and set things straight.


End file.
